Today we discuss last week's homework, and work we made during class.
With brown paper we made an interior. We took pictures from different angles.
At home we were supposed to paint these in color. Not the color we know the paper has but the color we actually see.

I cheated a little with this one because I had a hard time seeing color. Light and dark is not such a problem, but seeing colors is a whole different skill.
In the first painting, I tried to stay true to the natural colors. Very quickly I got frustrated because I couldn't get the colors I wanted. Or I didn't mix enough on the plate, ran out of it and never managed to get the same color I needed again. Then spreading it on the paper. What a drama. The paint is never on the tip of the brush, but more at the base of the hairs. How do I do this? The paint doesn't cover the paper the way I want. It's transparent when I want it to be thick, and vice versa. Also a problem, changing something when the paint is still wet. Or making a straight line. I am such a klutz.

I know I can do better than this. What does the teacher say when she sees the above? "I can see your struggle. You should paint more with your intuition." But how do you do that? And how can I transform the need to recreate what my mind wants into something more... intuitive? There are no answers, no guidelines. I feel lost and alone.
I go back to something I like and that feels comfortable. The collage.

But the teacher says it's just more of the same. She doesn't like it, and she doesn't seem to appreciate the effort either. Why is that so important to me anyway?