MK24 - 9th & 10th class

Artists have been copying each other for ages. To learn from each other, to draw inspiration, to adapt a work to their own hand. The teacher shows us various examples of such plagiarism. She has made black and white copies of various artworks. I choose Madame Ines Montoissier by Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres (1856). I love the reflection in the mirror, the hand on her face and most of all her look.
Like we do in every class, we start with some charcoal sketches. Different angles, different cut outs. It helps to determine what it is exactly that fascinates and that needs to be recreated.


This will be the sketch I will try to paint. I have taken the liberty to forget about reality and place the woman and her reflection together without the explanation of the mirror. They might be the same woman, they might not. This will just be a study of different angles of a face.

When I am browsing art books at home I find a portrait of a woman who has been painted in the same way: a portrait of the mother of the artist H. Rigaud (I forgot the write down the year).

In one evening I manage to create a basic painting. Many details need to be filled in, but I am happy with this first draft. And can't wait to get back to it.


One week later, we finish the painting. I am very happy with how the faces turn out, but not so happy with the background and the dresses. I guess I would have needed another evening to go over it.


A big revelation to me tonight is that due to a lack of time, I quickly brush some paint on the canvas to suggest a light blue head scarf. To my surprise this turns out to be the best part of the painting! It feels spontaneous and it looks textured. I have to remember that.

GRA - 3rd class sculpture

To make a monument, for someone or something.

What is a monument?
From Wikipedia: A monument is a type of structure either explicitly created to commemorate a person or important event or which has become important to a social group as a part of their remembrance of past events. Functional structures made notable by their age, size or historic significance can also be regarded as monuments. Monuments are also often designed to convey historical or political information. Monuments have been created for thousands of years, and they are often the most durable and famous symbols of ancient civilizations.

What is a monument to me?
Old buildings, but mostly I think of a memorial, like the ones you find in France to remember the dead from World War I. But what also comes to mind, is the Love Temple Marie Antoinette had built as an ode to love.

I would like to combine these two images in order to create a monument for what is important to me:
femininity
motherhood
balance
choice
beauty
independence
care
responsibility
sense of community

I would like to make an ode to the woman that I am today, to the woman of today, to all the women that have crossed my path. I would like to capture the versatility and power of women in one image.

What will my woman look like? Like Barbie...Or more like Venus of Willendorf?
The woman of today is nor Barbie, nor Venus of Willendorf. She strives to look like Barbie, but her features resemble Venus's. Both are icons however.

To execute my ideas, I borrow one of my daughter's Barbie dolls, give her a hair cut, and cover her whole body with paper mache, adding more realistic layers to chest, tummy, thighs and bum. I want her to balance work and motherhood in her hands, but I cannot not find a way to do that properly so I just let her stand on one leg with her arms open wide.
The idea is to hammer one foot to a pedestal but I can't find the right material so I use clay to hold her foot. However the clay does not support her whole body, so out of necessity I pack half of her leg in clay in order to keep her standing.
I cover her body with names of women I have met during my entire life. It is almost a meditative exercise as I jump from memory to almost forgotten memory.


The teacher is enthusiast about the documentation of my work. However, overall the monument doesn't seem to work for her. The only thing she finds interesting is the way the statue is caught in the clay. It's a revelation for me when she says that, because it happened by coincidence. I wasn't thinking, and I wasn't even trying very hard either. I can totally see and feel why that's the only part of the monument that 'works.' The big question remains though: can I reproduce this 'happy accident' when I want it to?

GRA - 2nd class sculpture

Assignment: Keep your own garbage for 5 days. Then, make a sculpture that gives expression to your selection of garbage. Let the sculpture be about you.

I already knew what I wanted to make, so from my enormous pile of plastic and paper, I only need a piece of carton and some wire. I am not thinking about my garbage, no philosophical thoughts at all. I am just going to make a corset out of waste material. Just for fun!



I explain to the teacher that this is an object and a shape that have fascinated me for ever. She suggests that to show this fascination, I should make more versions of the same. Which I do in a heart beat. Doesn't my coffee cup look like a corset too?

MK24 - 7th & 8th class

Self portrait in paint this time. So much fun!

GRA - 1st class sculpture

Same group, new teacher. So nervous again. What a roller coaster this journey is!
After the introduction, we divide up in groups of 4 and look for a room or space in the Academy. The assignment is to change the function of this space.
Our group chooses the hall on the second floor. There are some elements there that inspire us immediately. A long table, a sign with white letters and a little shelf to leave food and drinks before entering the computer room. They inspire us to make a church, a holy place, a place of silence. What a contrast with a hall that everybody uses to walk through! We turn the table in an altar, the shelf will be the place at the entrance where the holy water sits, and the sign is to indicate the opening times of the Academy Church.
I love the dynamic in our group. We all pull out things from random places to help create this image. We spend a lot of time on the Christ figure behind the altar. We use our bodies, a banana (!) and finally find a mirror, that reflects the light of the fluorescent lamps on the ceiling. When you approach the altar the reflection of the light shifts to the reflection of you. What a beautiful metaphor for finding light (and God) in one self!
The teacher walks in from time to time and gives us things to think about. Like:

• think about every element in your space. Is it random? Or did you put it there consciously? Everything must have a reason. As creator of your space, you have power over this space. Sculpture is all about power.
• The creator of the sculpture makes the rules. How does the viewer see and experience the sculpture?

We experience that last point when we show our work to the other students. The effect of the atmosphere we so carefully tried to communicate is gone when the space is full. So we direct every one out and only make the space accessible for three people at a time. The space then forces people to be quiet and the strange sound from the airconditioning of the building highlights this effect.

Reflection: I notice I am referring constantly to universal images (from the Western civilization) and that I feel a need to re-create this images. There is no need for me to change them, just to undress them and feel what is left.

More thoughts:

• What is, but that I choose not to see, will still be visible to the other.
• What is not, is not visible the either of us. Or is it?
• Does that what is, has to be visible, in order to be noticed?
• My experience of space is dependent on the presence of people and objects in that space.
• The atmosphere in a space changes when I put a lock on the door, move or remove the window, add noise, apply an aroma and add objects.
• As a creator I can influence the experience of the other.

MK24 - 6th class

Finally, we are going to do portraits. We start with charcoals of each other. We get 5 minutes per portrait and we're encouraged to use different techniques each time. Like drawing with your left hand, using the flat side of the charcoal and not lifting the charcoal from the paper, but leaving it in contact with the paper all the time while you sketch.
Here are my best ones:

And last but not least we draw ourselves in front of a mirror. It's quite a challenge. Especially when you are drawing yourself, you want the image to be just alike.I took the sketches home that night, and not having been able to fixate the charcoal I used a blank paper to protect the painting. And then I had 'a happy accident.'

GRA - 6th class painting

We always start the afternoon with discussing the work from the previous class. I am always nervous. I am excited too, and eager to show what I've been working on.
I painted two of my high heels. The space in between forms an interesting illusion. It's the first time in this class that I feel I made a good painting. And the teacher seems to agree.

In the class we get our last assignment from this teacher, Next week we'll move on to Sculpture. In an earlier class we had to pick a painting we liked and describe why. I choose 'Song of the lark' by Jules Breton, that I saw last Spring in the Art Institute in Chicago.
I love her pose, after a long day's work, listening for a bird that one can hardly see in the painting. The fainting light. The light in the background, and not on the main character in this painting. She's not quite done, it's almost time to go home, but she takes a moment to pause... Such serenity.

My last assignment is to paint light in the background. I have chosen to take a little doll and place her in front of the window. First I sketch her in charcoal. There's not enough time to finish the painting so I also take a picture to help finishing it at home where it is still on my easel waiting for completion.

MK24 - 4th class and 5th class

Today we make a still life. The teacher has arranged a collection of objects for us to choose from. The lesson starts as usual. To make a couple of sketches in charcoal from different perspectives. I am having a hard time finding a place in the circle of easels. We're a group of 15 and when one arrives late - like I usually do - there's not a whole lot of room left. But after a while I find my groove and manage to make some satisfying sketches.
This is what the work in progress looks like:


I enjoy doing this more than I thought in advance. The teacher gives helpful advice. She says: work on the overall painting, step back regularly and don't lose yourself in details. She thinks the dark background is a cool choice.
In the next lesson we finish the painting. I have overworked the white pot and I am quite dissappointed. I think I liked it better when it was not finished. The teacher remarks that this is a common problem of artists; when is it done? when should you stop?

GRA - guest class painting

This will be the best class in painting I get at the Academy. Today Stephanie Krätz is teaching us how to express a cursing word in a huge painting. I choose the word 'klootzak' which means 'ball sack' in Dutch.
It's a strange assignment for me. It's not supposed to be pretty, actually it should be ugly, because it has to express something ugly. I don't like it at first. What a waste of my paint! But I am going at it anyway in a sort of careless way. Whatever. I use my biggest brush and make wild strokes. So not like me. Stephanie walks by once in while and gives me a lot of attention and encouragement. And guess what happens then? The painting is coming alive and I am getting lots of positive feedback, not only from the teacher, but also from the other students. We're having a lot of fun together.
At the end of the day Stephanie says I have learned a lot, and that it's moving in the right direction. She says I have painted the subject with much sensitivity. Considering the subject, I guess that's cause for much hilarity.My colleagues at Sugar Factory love it, and that's where it's currently on display.

GRA - 5th class painting

What happens to the painting of your lady in 10 years from now? And bring clothes for your lady to class next week, are the assignments for this week's class at the Academy.

As I wrote in my previous post, I practiced a lot in the past week. I am very satisfied with the faces I have painted. Also, it was fun, not unimportant.
I made two sketches in Conté of the portrait in the future and one collage of the painting in the paper. And just for fun, I cut up old t-shirts form Ila and sowed the portrait like a little quilt (there is is again!).
The teacher is somewhat positive this time. She likes the improvement I have made on the faces in the previous paintings. The rest of my work she qualifies as 'staying to much in your comfort zone.' I guess nobody here is interested in that.

That afternoon we work with the clothes we brought for our lady. The theme is the space in between. What does one need to paint in order to show the object, and does one deal with the space in between the objects. Is that what you paint, or is it the object itself?
We work in teams and make sketches in charcoal. For the first time I feel like I am getting some real praise from this teacher. I can draw, she says. I feel pathetic for mentioning my struggle with her here all the time, but it has become such an issue for me, I obviously need to get it out of my system and work my way through it.

GRA - 4th class painting

The teacher gives us a black and white photocopy of a woman (turns out she's a prostitute, but this has nothing to do with the assignment). We are to paint this in non-realistic colors. We are working in the class, so the teacher can comment as we go. And boy, do I not like that! As usual I am struggling with the paint. I so lack the right techniques to mix colors and apply them to the paper. And this is not the place where I am going to learn how to master the material...
The teacher is rude. "What are doing, she asks in a confronting way. "That's not the way to do it." I ask her to say something positive, because I desperately need some encouragement. I go home feeling so sad, so inadequate.
The good thing is I get mad. I will master this. So at home I paint and I paint. I try out all sorts of things. I spend every free moment with my paintings.

GRA - 3rd class painting

Today we discuss last week's homework, and work we made during class.
With brown paper we made an interior. We took pictures from different angles.
At home we were supposed to paint these in color. Not the color we know the paper has but the color we actually see.I cheated a little with this one because I had a hard time seeing color. Light and dark is not such a problem, but seeing colors is a whole different skill.
In the first painting, I tried to stay true to the natural colors. Very quickly I got frustrated because I couldn't get the colors I wanted. Or I didn't mix enough on the plate, ran out of it and never managed to get the same color I needed again. Then spreading it on the paper. What a drama. The paint is never on the tip of the brush, but more at the base of the hairs. How do I do this? The paint doesn't cover the paper the way I want. It's transparent when I want it to be thick, and vice versa. Also a problem, changing something when the paint is still wet. Or making a straight line. I am such a klutz.I know I can do better than this. What does the teacher say when she sees the above? "I can see your struggle. You should paint more with your intuition." But how do you do that? And how can I transform the need to recreate what my mind wants into something more... intuitive? There are no answers, no guidelines. I feel lost and alone.
I go back to something I like and that feels comfortable. The collage.But the teacher says it's just more of the same. She doesn't like it, and she doesn't seem to appreciate the effort either. Why is that so important to me anyway?

MK24 - 3rd class

Today we start with a bouquet of sunflowers. On white paper we make some sketches in charcoal first. From different angles and different cut-outs. The second part of the lesson we work on brown paper and Conté crayons in sienna, burnt sienna and white.
I choose to let my flowers somewhat loose on the paper. There is no vase, no support. I try to draw what I see, yet I make a conscious choice to leave out the background and vase. Even though the teacher warns me that the effect might not work, we both agree later that the flowers do have a sense of coherence and don't need more than the brown paper.
Loved doing it. I was in control of my hand and the material. The teacher compliments me not only for my choices, but also for seeing and conveying the nature of the sunflower. I feel energized and confident. This feels much better than last Saturday.

GRA - 2nd class painting

I am so enthusiastic to show my homework to the teacher. I want to tell her how I sat myself down for the first time in a long time and felt like a child again. Inexperienced, impatient and very eager to try out something new. And did I struggle with the paint! I want to tell her about that too. So much happened inside of me, I had intense conversations with myself.

When it is my turn to put my work on the ground, on display for the whole group, to be discussed by the teacher, I feel proud and happy.
" You left all the edges open, " she says, "that's not good. It gives an enclosed feeling." I want to tell her that indeed borders are an issue I always struggle with. How interesting this already shows itself in my first assignment.
"This brick wall doesn't work, you should have painted the edges too."
"Yeah, and those white lines are not clear at all." All my pride vanishes at once. When I trying to comment on her remarks, she says that as an art student I have to be able to take criticism. I guess that means in her case that there is no room for discussion. I am confused.

The second part of the assignment was to make an independent art work based on one of the previous sheets. Since I like quilts, I decided to use the rest of the torn pages to make a patchwork. With paint I drew 'white lines', and with a white marker I wrote words from the texts in random order on the lines. I finished the piece with transparent glue.I enjoyed making it very much. I had to make choices all the time, and one thing led to another. It was inspiring and fun, and it made me want to make more.
At first glance the teacher seems not to like it at all. "You have put to many ideas in one piece," she says. But as I am gathering my other work, humiliated, she says she does like the way I wrote down the words between the lines. It comes like 'mustard after the meal (Dutch expression).'
She moves on with the other students and I am so jealous when she praises most of them. This is a new feeling for someone who used to excel in class and be teacher's pet.

MK24 - 2nd class

Babysitter does not show up tonight. Greg has to do a show, so it looks like I have to stay home. I won't accept that. I have to, must paint tonight. So I throw a fit. Greg stays home and I go.
Half way there I realize I made my husband give up paid work so I can discover the artist in me. Hmmm... I refuse to feel guilty.
First part of the class is charcoal again. The teacher is showing different art works to inspire an abstract drawing. First we make the paper black, then we use eraser to bring out shapes and light, and more charcoal to accentuate lines and shadows. It is fun to work this way. It gives a quick result.
After the coffee break we prepare a big sheet of paper with colored gesso. We choose one of the charcoals to transform into a painting. I keep it very simple. I have an intense need to just feel the paint, the brush, the paper. It is all so new to me. It doesn't behave the way I want it to. Sometimes the brush is too wet, sometimes too dry. The paint (acrylic) dries up too fast, or too slow. I mix colors when I don't want to. And when I want it, I don't get the right color. I feel so new at this, and it is not all that fun. I want it to work right away.
The teacher keeps an eye on us during this process. She is very encouraging and sees what we all seem to struggle with. She has good suggestions for everyone. At the end of the class we look at each others' work. The teacher points out the strengths in each work, and she gives suggestions for improvement. It's all very gentle and enthusiastic. I feel like I can relax in this class. And breathe.

Introduction Gerrit Rietveld Academy

I am so proud to walk into that building. The Gerrit Rietveld Academy stands for ART. Renowned art. If I could study here, I would definitely become a great artist. So I also feel humble. I am not studying here, I am merely allowed to come take a peak on Saturday afternoons, to watch the masters of the future in action, to humbly take direction from elevated teachers.
All Saturday students gather in the restaurant. So many people, and so young most of them. All of a sudden I feel old and not so special. I recognize the majority of people who I also saw at the audition. Hmmm... Did they allow everyone into this class?
They divide us into four groups. The assignment for this first day is to connect the five flours with books and elastic bands. I hate this. I did not come here to work together. I hate group dynamics. Leaders, followers, protesters. Where do I belong?
Think outside the box, says the teacher. And nothing my brain comes up with is innovative. What about inside the box? I am not interested in outside, I want to go inside! What is there that I haven't discovered yet? Maybe some... NEW things!?
I work myself through the day. Make up my own little project within the communal art work. And at five o'clock I go home with my first assignment. To collect 10 torn pages from the books we brought today and paint them in different colors, in different ways. Then we are to choose one of these pages and turn it into an independent art work.
To be continued...

First class MK24

On Monday September 14, I bike to the east side of Amsterdam to MK24. It's an old school where they offer a broad spectrum of arts. I chose Basic Drawing and Painting for 16 lessons of 3 hours each. I feel like I haven't painted since I was teenager, and I am dedicated to find out if painting is my thing.
The first lesson, we choose a household object and try to sketch it in charcoal from different angles. I feel hesitant, not confident at all, but put my best foot forward. The teacher is gentle and encouraging. Meanwhile, everyone in the class is trying to find a way with the material, and with themselves. Halfway we inspect each others' work, which is humbling, but also inspiring.
The second assignment is to isolate a part of the object and draw it in an abstract way. I am trying not to over-think my decisions, and just draw what comes to my hand. Unfortunately that doesn't work too well and I experience a need to make a plan in my head. But that brings new problems to the work, because it's not that easy to make my hand do what my mind thinks.
This is more difficult than I envisioned. I am tired when I clean up my easel. Being very critical, I do not photograph my work. I think about it a lot in the coming days, and find new solutions. In my head only. I do not free up time to try them out.

Today is the first day...

Instead of working I am browsing the internet again. There's a whole world out there that needs my attention. So many weblogs to follow, networks to update, friends to chat with. It's all input.

Sometimes I feel like shutting down my computers, my television. Cancel subscriptions. Do I need all this news to stay in touch with the world? Is news really news, or it it just the same everytime? Don't the things repeat themselves over and over again?

Should I attribute to this overload by adding another blog? That maybe nobody will read, because you are, like me, struggling with the overload of information.

Time will tell, and I will try. Because I have always felt the need to write, and lately a need to share.

It is my intention to post something every Friday. So I hope you will give me a kick in the butt if I am late or forget or am just procrastinating. I would appreciate that.

By the way, De goede Inez means The good Inez in Dutch. That's my name, and that's who I am trying to be.